Aunt Sarah

I can't believe it has been 8 years since you passed away. It feels like yesterday that I was talking to you in your living room. Me in the recliner, you on the couch. Just talking and listening. Giving me advice but mostly just listening to me. Do you remember?

You were a gift from God to so many people, I guess you must know that now. I am just so thankful that I was one of them. You changed my life. I still miss you so much that I can't stand it but I feel better when I pray to you. I know you are listenting. I can still hear your voice, your laugh, and that family sense of humor. Uncle Brent could get you going for sure. I appreciate your love for your children so much more now that I have my own.

Did you know that I wrote a poem for you the day after you died? Seemed to help ease the pain. Could you ask God why you had to be so damn special anyhow? If you weren't I wouldn't miss you so terribly. Thankful and glad though. And mostly it is so comforting that I will see you again someday and that you can breathe.


Aunt Sarah

You were given three miracles
He cooks, he cleans, he takes care of you
Then the second, you saw her to college
she was all that you asked for
and more
Then the third, you became his number one fan
he was all that you asked for
and more
cough

Are those your chicken legs?
They look good on you
As you sit devoured by pillows
You listen and you listen well
You offer Diet Pepsi and pretzels
It is not you who gets up
It is your first miracle
Your flannel pjs make you look comfy
Looks can be deceiving
cough cough

Do you still like turtles?
Cough

It is a sunny day
And you are hidden among the pines
The ocean looks good
but the pool looks better
you scoot on over
it’s blue, it has a horn, and it takes you where you want to go
You hurt but you swim
cough cough cough

Is that a salt shaker in your purse?
Cough

You ride in a big SUV
They say they can take you anywhere
But we take pictures
we wave
from the places you will never go
cough cough

Flowers to room 369 please
It is your room
It is your wing
They love you there
We love you here
Among the children
You are cared for
cough

The holidays make you tired
You got tired before the holidays
But you came home to see the tree
It was your last
You are everyone’s favorite
but we let go
only because we know
as an angel you breathe
breathe
breathe
without pain
You cough no more

By: Amy Cathrine Clark
Date: January 10, 2001


Sarah Jane Sites

March 28, 1951 - January 9, 2001

Chuck the Beaver

Kaiden loves to sing and I am really not sure where he gets his love because Ian and I are not musical (although Ian loves to listen to music) and we are certainly not lyrical. But Kaiden has this fascination with singing. It ranges from hard rock, to soft love songs, and now… even holiday music.

Oh, and his preferred method is to sing his own material. Here is his latest creation which I have to blog about because it is a fun story.

CHUCK THE BEAVER by Kaiden Clark, December 2008

Chuck, Chuck, the Beaver
I’m Chuck, Chuck, the beaver.
I’m good for chewing down trees
Slapping and making a house for you and me
But when Santa asks me to pull his sleigh
Who never goes up up and away?
Me. Chuck the Beaver.
Who?
Me. Chuck the Beaver.

I’m good for chewing down trees
Slapping and making a house for you and me
But when Santa asks me to pull his sleigh
Who never goes up up and away?
Me. Chuck the Beaver.
Who?
Me. Chuck the Beaver.

When Christmas comes it is the time where I am not good for flying away with the reindeer
I’m good for chewing down trees
Slapping and making a house for you and me
But when Santa asks me to pull his sleigh
Who never goes up up and away?
Me. Chuck the Beaver.
Who?
Me. Chuck the Beaver.

It’s always been the same on Christmas Eve
I never fly through the sky with the reindeer
But some magic happened and now when Santa asks me to pull his sleigh
Who goes up up and away?
Me. Chuck the Beaver.
Who?
Me. Chuck the Beaver.

There are other versions some of which last what sometimes seems like forever but they always have the same chorus and somehow at the end the beaver gets to fly. I actually catch myself singing this song throughout the day: who never goes up up and away? Me. Chuck the Beaver

I wonder what's next!?

2 year old logic

It is funny how humans think... especially two year olds.

Kael said the funniest thing... he wanted dessert last night after dinner but he hadn't finished his meal so I said he had to eat his nutrition before he could have some of his Christmas candy.

Kael: "Why mumma?"
Me: "Because the nutrition will help you grow."
Kael: "Candy cane is tall and it help me grow."

This just had me laughing so hard. Interesting logic. :-)

2009 Resolution!

I wonder how many people blog about their New Year’s resolution???? Probably millions. Well, count me in. First I should blog about my successful 2008 resolution which was to not drink soda. Zero. I went from a heavy addict, maybe drinking 4 – 8 cans of it a day to nothing. The main source… diet Mt. Dew. Most people would say yuck but I love it. Note I didn’t say “loved” it.

So look to the future… 2009. And what will my resolution be? Well it is the proverbial “lose weight” resolution. I figure if I can give soda up for a year I can do anything! So my resolution is to lose 40 pounds this year. I may even blog about it. Probably not on this blog because I really don’t feel like sharing my ups and downs with the people I know, not sure why I care. It’s not like my family and friends don’t know I am overweight! Funny how that is. I guess it is just embarrassment.

But I will say, if any of my family or friends want to join me in my resolution, I would love the support.

Happy New Years everyone and let me know what your resolution is!

Christmas Eve

Earlier today we arrived home after our busy and quick visit with family in Maine. My mother-in-law is here visiting us, it is so nice to have her. The boys adore her. On Monday we headed to Norridgewock to visit faimly and to pick up my oldest son who had been spending a few days with my parents. We were able to visit Ian’s dad and his grandfather as well. In addition, we enjoyed a great Big G's breaskfast with the Pieds and Puccios, a Christmas tradition. All good visits.

Then we went to a Christmas Eve service at Grace Capital Church. Lots of wonderful holiday music and a great reminder about what Christmas is truly about. I feel so connected to God lately and it feels good. I am starting to feel good about religion and my liberal views. At one time I thought they could not coexist.

But now I feel a spirit around me, I feel the presence of my Aunt more than ever, and all of these feelings are positive. My mind is more open than it has ever been. I am growing as a person, I can feel it.

For once my feelings about God don’t question my beliefs, they don’t give me guilt, they don’t focus on how I feel about other people, rather they focus on my spirit and my blessings. They remind me of how short time on earth is in the large scope of eternity.

Hold on to your family, friends, and any thing you enjoy. Appreciate. Respect. Love. Give. Because tomorrow it could be gone. The touch from my children, the jokes from my husband, the love from my family, the warmth of our home… it one day will all be gone. Reality. No matter what you believe happens after life here, it will one day be gone. If I can live my life knowing that these things are temporary I can appreciate, respect, love, give… just a little more.

I am not sure about everything about God but one thing I know is that I am starting to have peace. Merry Christmas everyone.

Is stealing wrong???

Today I dropped Kael off at daycare and as usual he takes off his coat and shoes. He hands me his coat and says “you do it mumma” (meaning he wants me to hang his coat up for him). So I kindly oblige and as I reach to the hook I hear this loud crash at my feet. I look down and there is glass everywhere. I just can’t believe that I knocked something down. I am puzzled... where did it come from and how did I hit it???

Then I look down more closely and I seem to recognize this glass mess on the floor. It is one of our Christmas ornaments that fell out of Kael's jacket! I look over at Kael and with my stern face and I can’t help but laugh. I say “Kael, did you take an ornament off the tree this morning?” He looks so sad, so I can’t help but hug him and say while laughing “It’s ok sweetie, but you can’t take the ornaments to school with you”. He just says “I show it to school and keep it in my pocket”.

You know how they say "it's the thought that counts". Well it is. The thought of Kael trying to secretly stuff a glass ornament in his pocket to show his class is just a sweet memory that I will have for many Christmases. It was his thought that counted.

Remembering Santa

So today, Ian took the kids to the mall to see Santa. He later called me at work to tell me the kids had a great time. They both sat on Santa’s lap and they both gave him a big hug. He said the kids were really well behaved so they ate lunch there and he took them to the candy store to pick out a piece of candy. Ian is such a great dad. Although this is not why I am posting…..

I get home from work and ask “Kaiden, how was your day?” was and he gets all excited and says “daddy took us to the mall!” He goes on to tell me about how much fun he had eating lunch and picking out candy. I asked…. “Did you do anything else at the mall???” He says “no, just lunch and candy”. I ask “wasn’t there anything else fun you did at the mall???” and he says “no, just lunch and candy”. He then goes on to describe the kind of candy he picked out. “oh and we saw Santa” he says at last.

I know they are excited for Christmas but I can say they are not too excited!